Question: Why do our desires and actions sometimes not align?

For example, someone wants to be rich but does nothing to achieve it. Or they want to have a great car but take no action, and so on. This creates a conflict—wanting to do something and not wanting to at the same time.

Answer: They say the biggest issue is often whether the person really wants it. Whether these are genuine desires at all.

Q: How can one distinguish a true desire? Does a true desire demand action?
A: Not necessarily. A goal is more likely to be fulfilled when it is pursued from our own perspective rather than someone else's. When we want something because it aligns with our own view, not because of how it appears from the outside. For example, some people may want to go to the gym to look good for others but don’t enjoy it for themselves. They don’t enjoy the interior of the car but enjoy others seeing them have it. So, are our desires truly about having something for ourselves, or are they about others seeing what we have?

Q: What if we enjoy being observed by others?
A: It’s hard to determine. It requires a specific case. But usually, we don’t want to live for that—we just want to have it.

Q: So, would you buy a car for others to see it rather than because you want it?
A: Yes. Typically, that’s not enough motivation to drive us to action.

Q: When is a person most honest with their desires? Is it in childhood when they are still young?
A: They say it’s easiest during childhood because you don’t yet have a set path.

Q: Everything is possible?
A: Yes, in a way, everything is possible. They say that as you follow a certain path in life, or simply as time goes on, sooner or later, you come across the fact that some basic path is already laid out. But as a child, this isn’t the case. You’re not far enough along in life yet.

Q: You lack experience?
A: Yes, as a child, you can change your mind 100 times. But as an adult, if you’re already trained for a certain job, you can’t just switch from chemistry to architecture, for example, because your path doesn’t allow it. You’ve gone too far in one direction to change your mind—at least that’s what people think. It’s not that desires are more common or seem more achievable, but they are actually more achievable. You have more physical paths. You don’t have a history guiding you toward certain things. Everything has potential.

Q: What about the influence of parents?
A: They say there are many possibilities here. It’s very specific to the case. If parents push someone in an undesired direction, the person may learn to stand up for themselves and their interests. They might learn to distance themselves from people who don’t have their best interests at heart.

However, it might also be better for that person in the long term to follow that 'pushed' path. It’s very specific. Whatever wind tries to steer you, there’s a different lesson for different people. Usually, people know themselves whether the redirection was better for them or if it was just a matter of opposition.

Q: A person with many desires who doesn’t see them fulfilled can become very frustrated. Is it normal to have these desires even if we don’t achieve them? How can we harmonize this?
A: They say it can also be a problem if someone has too many desires, which can paralyze them in a way because they can’t decide. Too many options.

Q: What would be the best thing to do in that case?
A: A difficult question. Instinctively, one would say to choose the path that feels most comfortable at the moment. On the one hand, this is just continuing on the current path. The longer you go through life, the more a basic path gets laid out. The comfort zone. It becomes predictable. Decisions we make that feel comfortable for our character are usually close to the basic path—following a predicted path.

However, if a person wants to step off that predicted path, they need to tackle more uncomfortable things to physically shift their path. This means entering a parallel world. The parallel world is significant for decisions and situations of greater importance. The butterfly effect.

Q: So, does the laid-out path shift? Why would this happen? Can a situation push you in that direction?
A: Yes, you can be pushed into it or decide on your own. These are usually drastic decisions. Divorce, abortion, moving to another country, career changes, etc.—what we consider drastic.

Q: Do we enter a parallel world at that point?
A: Yes, in a way. They say it’s hard to explain.

Q: Do many people do this, or do most stay on the laid-out path?
A: Most stay on the laid-out path, and that’s because change is extremely uncomfortable. Your bridge collapses. The desires we have throughout life—when they say dreams die when you get a job—this is actually true. The older we get, the more we follow the laid-out path, the fewer options we have.

If we have many desires, that’s a good sign because we have many options to succeed. Like a tree, when you look at how the branches spread. When you reach the end of one, you realize you’ve been following the laid-out path for a long time. At the beginning of the tree, you have many different options. It’s important to consciously decide whether to follow a laid-out path or if your desires lie outside of that.

Q: People with more desires often have to sacrifice something for another. How should they decide in this sense? When they say, ''follow your heart,'' it can lead you in different directions. How do you choose? Is there a test?
A: The easiest thing that comes to mind would be to make a list of priorities. In reality, this helps you see what’s important to you. Not so much in terms of what’s important regarding your desires, but character-wise. What’s important to you? Is having a lot of free time important? Is spending time with your children important? Is having time for sports important? Friends? Finances? And from there, you see which direction you’re going.

If someone prioritizes time for themselves but wants to have many friends, this direction won’t align with that. If they go in that direction, their time will automatically decrease. If someone wants a lot of free time but also wants to manage a large company, this also doesn’t align. A list of priorities, and if you need to 'sacrifice' something, you go to the lowest priority. If your priorities are 1. Family time, 2. Time with friends, 3. Free time, then the easiest path is where you risk losing free time.

Q: You sacrifice something?
A: Yes, in a way. Not that you necessarily need to, but when you go in a certain direction, you always give something. If you walk on your hands, your hands get worn out; if you walk on your feet, your feet do. Something will have to give for you to gain. And it’s not exactly about sacrifice because if we sacrifice too much, we lose parts of ourselves, and that’s not worth it. That’s why we have lists of priorities.

Q: If the sacrifice is too great, have we made the wrong choice?
A: There are no wrong choices, but for our character, yes. Each person should be able to assess their laid-out path. If you’re 30 years old, married with children, your basic path is that they will grow up, you’ll retire, grow old with your partner, etc. Laid out, not accounting for changes like divorce, etc. A basic path.

If this path doesn’t naturally bring your desires and they are slightly to the right or left, you need to find some middle ground to step outside your comfort zone, but not too much if you already like your basic path. You achieve additional desires without sacrificing too much.

When we have a list of priorities and they are all fulfilled, we walk our 'natural path.' When you’re constantly in your comfort zone, you follow the laid-out path. If you’re someone who does everything spontaneously and you make a list of priorities, usually, everything will be checked off. But when we step outside this, things become a little more 'give and take.'

To read Part 2. of this article click below: 

''Why do our desires and actions sometimes not align? Part 2.''